WOTY Wednesdays

WOTY Wednesday! 27 Jan

Not feeling super WOTY this Wednesday

Paint, Plan & Chronicle with Suzi Blu is something I’m half-doing, half-not-doing.  I like the idea of having a planner and I like using tape and markers to make it prettier so I’m using her as motivation, she’s super-inspirational.  The planner spread is nicer looking now, more details and such, but I didn’t want to share my personal planner fodder with you, because, you know….boundaries.  😀

I’m sharing this with you because I’m feeling at a loss, this week.  Nothing was really done to “refine and focus” my life.  I did a lot of white-knuckling it with my medication withdrawal symptoms (wrote about those here, feeling better), so most of my time was spent either dizzy / nauseous or pouring sweat and in a pissy mood.

When faced with writing this blog post, I reached a place of some resistance.  “How is doing this really gonna help anyone?  Does it *really* matter?  Does anyone even care?  Does it really matter if this goes up *on* Wednesday?”  Well, yeah…it does.  It matters, to me.  Even if no one reads what I’m writing, I’m writing it for me, I’m doing the refining in my life for me.  Sharing it with others is just the cherry on top and if I stop now, if I say, “this doesnt *have* to”, I’m saying that about myself.  If this is for me, and I can so easily put ‘me’ aside, how do I expect to grow and change?  How do I expect to be this better person, the person I feel I was supposed to be before all the hurt and trauma, if I don’t make active changes to my behavior?

SO!  Here’s what I sorted and photographed this week!

WIP Round-up

Here is a picture of my works in progress on canvas.

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I sorted, took photos.  Touched each of them to see if anything “jumped out at me” and said it needed attention.  Here are a few pictures of some individual WIPs.

 

And two faces I started.  The one with the embellishments is supposed to be Queen Maude of Norway.  Her hair looks so much like an afro, a triangular afro, and her arms are so tightly tucked against her body, that it throws me off and I get embarrassed just holding the canvas.  Can’t fix it if I can’t even hold on to it.  Thinking, she may end up in pieces, many of those pieces residing in the dumpster.

I hate drawing / painting hair….why does it have to look so shitty?

That’s All Folks!

Anyway, that is all for now.  I’m going to be making a slight change to my Friday offering, to make it more ‘me’.   Hope you’re as excited as I am!  Not saying how excited that is but if you’re at least where I am then, it could maybe be something more than nothing!  Lol! 😀  YAY!

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WOTY Wednesdays! – 20 Jan

This week’s WOTY Wednesday is going to be different from last week’s, as I have started to turn towards the internal.  My health and physical being have drawn my attention quite staunchly, this week, and as such, I wasn’t focused so much on objects to get rid of.  Having the lichen planus has caused me to stop taking one of my medications in a way that is not wise, and I am paying the price.

I continued to sort the objects in my drawers, even though I stated I needed to wait.  I limited myself to the fine liners and pens that I have been gathering, sorting the actual art ones (Sakura microns, my magic wand [carbon pen] and some brush pens from Art Snacks) from the cheapie colored felt tip pens.  This allowed me to recognize the need for a zipper bag dedicated to just them, thus clearing a drawer in the tower closest to me.

Granted, none of that means shit as the main source of my suffocation comes from the strangulation of my desk.  Self-shaming:

Now, that is bad, I know.  There was a time, really not that long ago, that this type of cocooning, this ferreting behavior, was extremely soothing to me.  Feeling surrounded by “things” I enjoyed, on some level, served to protect me.  From what?  Vulnerability.  Exposure.  I was feeling both of these things, very painfully.

My desk, so cluttered you can’t even see the top, is something I am rather proud of.  At the end of the year, I was struggling with needing to be organized, feeling unable to resolve that and feeling helpless for a place to begin.   The top of my desk has become a touchstone.   I have made an exacting effort to keep an area, big enough to open my journal/ planner/ sketchbook flat, clean and clutter free.  Doing this for roughly six weeks, has transferred to other aspects of my life, where I struggle with clutter and cleaning.

Saturday night, we had overnight guests.  This awoke the inner eleven year girl, excited to have the perfect snacks, the perfect dinner, all the right art supplies, the lighting is perfect, seating isn’t ass-numbing, omg I made carrot cake and there’s a hockey game and I’m having a sleepover!!!   whew..  settle down now.  Sunday morning, we woke earlier than we should have, letting our guests sleep, I found myself walking around, picking up all my art supplies and putting them away (I say ‘away’ to imply that I shoved them in the office relatively close to where I’d gotten them from the night before).

It’s The Little Things

This action may seem small to those who have the habit of picking up after themselves but, to those of us who are struggling with creating this habit, it’s a pretty fucking big deal.  There was no internal eye-rolling at the thought of *having* to pick up, no overwhelming dread, no bargaining with myself about how it’s “not *that* big of a deal if it stays on the table for a while, no one is using the table anyway.”  I just picked it up because I wanted the room to look nice again, and in that moment, I decided I would give some of the supplies we used, to our guest.  Ones that I realized, while they were using, that I was never going to enjoy them to the level that I knew they could/would.  Another small action of refinement and focus, for my artistic voice.

Final Thought

So, we end this WOTY Wednesday with a cleaner pen drawer, a sac o’ fineliners and a stronger feeling of focus and purpose.  I gotta say it was a good day, err week.  😀

 

WOTY Wednesdays! — WTF is that?

 

WOTY (WHOA-tee) = Word of the Year

This whole concept of Word of the Year, thrust into my lexicon when I discovered art journaling in 2010-ish, has confused and sometimes frightened me.  How can I possibly pick just one word to sum up the direction of my upcoming year when I have zero clue what the future holds or how my life is going to shift or change throughout the year?  Then, to put this word all over journal covers, planners, bullet journals and journal spreads?  So much commitment!  It just feels like a New Year’s resolution and those I never see as anything more than an opportunity to fail and then hate myself for it.  Only with this, I have a bunch of hand-painted shit, colorfully celebrating my failure.  Washi tape dulls the sting of failure, washi tape cures all.

2015 was in my Top 3 Worst Years of My Fucking Life.  Turning 40 wasn’t so much of an issue as I’m not vain and I don’t feel I’m losing my beauty, as I know, for me, that comes from inside.  I feel my body is just the vessel my soul uses to engage with with other souls in the world, so why would how it looks have any effect on my beauty as a human being? It wouldn’t and doesn’t but, all these health problems I had sure as shit made me wish I could get a new body that was in better condition, for a little while.  A rental…

At the beginning of this year (and the end of last), there was the expected sea of posts, prompts and spreads about our Words of the Year and how we felt about them, their back stories and everyone’s hopes they’ve attached that this year we could exert some real change in our lives.  And for some reason, this year, I drank the Kool Aid.

PURGE!

Looking around my half (three-quarters) of our office, seeing how I am literally surrounded by supplies.  Pics or it didn’t happen.

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I am sometimes so surrounded by the quantity of things that I have that there is no room to actually MAKE anything.  So, I decided my life, and art stash, needs a purge.  And since I am an anxiety-prone person, I over-think things.  When I think about the word ‘purge’, the first thought I have, sadly, is of bulimics.  Having had issues with food control and having several members of my inner circle suffering from an eating disorder in some form or fashion, I decided that using Purge feels wrong.  While it is what I wish to have happen, because I am feeling so trapped by all that is around me that I just want it all gone, I know that what makes the most sense for the long run is for me to slow my roll and look at my things, decide if I’m *really* ever gonna use it and keep it if yes and if no, say thank you and move on, Marie Kondo style.

Refine & Focus

SO!  Along that ilk and with a softer feel, forward I go with my word(s) of the year: Refine and Focus.  My intent is to examine different aspects of my life, both external and internal, and see how I can refine (remove the clutter) and focus my energies to creating the life I want, and bringing my Pure-self to life.

Now to the whole point of WOTY Wednesday! (I’m so long-winded and talky).  This blog feature is going to be where I hold myself accountable.  If I have to come here and face you all every week, I will be more likely to stay focused.  😀  See what I did there?   Also, I was thinking that in the process of refining my craft stash, I could offer my hand-me-downs.  I am creating a box for my niece and one for a friend (shhhh it’s a seekrit) but all else goes to the masses..  lol I crack me up, like more than 3 people read this blog…

THIS WEEK: Collage Fodder

To start us off, I went straight for papers that just are taking up space; my collage fodder.  This includes magazine cutouts, maps, music sheets, scrapbook papers, book text, wrapping paper, paper napkins, tissue paper (silk paper), painted text paper, painted tissues and paper towels. Four drawers of a five drawer tower, just for things I’m not even totally sure I will ever use.  Sitting down with these things last night, had me really asking myself where I am going forward in my art ‘career’.  Am I ever gonna really use these magazine cut outs?  No, probably not.  That’s not really my style, though I like to see how others do.

Here are an assortment of napkins arranged in piles as I try to decide how I wanna separate and package them for anyone who wants them.  Gonna put them in my shop later today or tomorrow.

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And here is a close up shot of some painted papers that will be making their way into the homes of others, shortly.

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Final Thought, Jerry Springer Style

Starting this process has me eager to continue but I know this is a combination of my deep desire to get rid of this “shit” (it’s not shit but Im angry at it so it gets insulted) and to start breathing, really breathing.  All of this clutter around me, in every aspect of life, is choking me and in many ways, I feel very much like a race horse being held back.  I have wanted for so long, to go forth, to start my life, to explode like fireworks, to just go and trust and move in the direction pure self dictates but have been held back, by health problems and lack of clarity.  Health problems are improving so it’s clarity time.  I’m ready.